so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
