he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
