Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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