It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
