Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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