You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
