I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
