soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
