What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
