i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
