I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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