you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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