GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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