just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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