i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All the doctor said was why
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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