I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
