I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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