used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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