Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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