OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
