How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize