His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
