He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
