I didn't shave. On purpose
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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