I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I could fuck to npr.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
