I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
