I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
