I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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