Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
