hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
