it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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