'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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