I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
