You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
