her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
