you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
