Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
