I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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