Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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