am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
