i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Less talking, more tequila
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
