I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Screwed.edu
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
