I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
