So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
