I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
