i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
