consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
