I'm jealous of your bromance
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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