I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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