OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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